Two Ears and One Mouth

There is a reason why we were given two ears and one mouth according to a Philosopher named Epictetus; "so that we can listen twice as much as we speak"!  How many times have you been told (or have said) 'you are not listening to me'. If I had a nickel for every time I heard or said that statement I would be a wealthy woman! Most of us if we are honest recognize that we need to work on our listening skills and be more attentive to the person who is speaking.  Getting our point across has not resolved many conflicts, but listening well has helped to open many doors to reconciliation.

The greatest gift you can give someone is to stop talking and listen without judging and having any pre-conceived ideas about what the person is saying. This is very difficult to do, especially in the family between spouses and   children. Being a good listener is not a skill we are born with. Rather, it is attribute that must be developed and practiced daily in order to be effective incommunicating with one another. 

Two simple questions answered honestly can help you determine if you need to improve your listening skills.

1. Do you find yourself biting your tongue impatiently waiting for the person to stop speaking so you can get your point across?

2. Do you finish a person's sentence and/or interrupt while they are speaking?  Now if you answered yes to one or both of these questions you need to work on listening better. But, fear not you are not alone WE ALL have work to do in this area. The first step toward change..... is having the self-knowledge and humility to change!

When we listen poorly to one another what usually happens is, 'what we think we heard' is very different then 'what was said'  leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. If we could put aside our own needs and emotions for a moment and listen to one another we will open ourselves up to learn something new which could lead to the healing of broken relationships.  

I believe God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason let us begin today to train them accordingly! 

Running After Time

William Penn once said, "Time is what we want most, but what we use worst".  Time is a precious commodity today, especially for the family. As I observe my own daughter and her husband juggling the responsibilities of five children and full time jobs I am amazed that they find time to sleep at all! Everyone is moving in different directions with little time to spend together. The energy that is needed to keep this busy family moving will not be replenished throughout the day. Instead, more will be required at a higher cost to the family nearly depleting their emotional and spiritual bank accounts.

In a recent survey I conducted among young families the number one complaint shared by most was their race against the clock! If Penn's wisdom can teach us anything we must learn how best to use our time. If not, we will continue to run through the day anxiously trying to beat the clock, but always coming in second.

Time is not an opponent, but a gift from God who loves us and desires to spend some time with us. When we recognize and respond to this gift our attitudes and priorities change in ways that will benefit ourselves and our families. Spending time with God is time well spent because it is in this time with Him that we receive the necessary strength, peace and wisdom to deal with the demands and challenges that we will face every day.  

Time will not stand still until we catch up, but will continue to move forward toward its destination.....the end of the day. We cannot stop it, but we have the power to choose how best to use the time we have received. As the expression goes, 'Rome wasn't build in a day' so take the time to spend with God and those you love...... this will be time well spent!

Family Traditions: Building a Strong Foundation

Why bother with old traditions and rituals?

When I was growing up traditions and rituals played an important role in many of our family events. One such tradition would take place on our birthdays. Early in the morning while still sleeping my mother would quietly creep into the room and place a large square of butter directly on our nose.  As we grew older, my siblings and I would try to protest this greasy ritual, but in reality we all looked forward to this tradition as we laughed and enjoyed the moment together!

Another fond memory I hold dear (and continued in my own family) is Sunday family dinners. Despite your plans, (which you knew better not to make) everyone was expected to be at that table ready to say 'grace'!  Sunday dinners provided a place to be fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. It was at this table that stories were shared and questions were asked about family, life, death and daily events.  Whether it was a greasy nose, nightly prayers or Sunday dinners these traditions were central in forming the values, beliefs and ideals I stand for today. 

When I became a mother I created a new tradition for my children's birthdays; the 'you are loved plate'! At every family birthday or special event the table is set and the 'you are loved plate' is brought out. Today, I use the same plate for my grandchildren! It is not just the plate that makes one feel loved, but the words on the plate; 'We thank Our God Through Jesus Christ for You". Romans 1:8, YOU ARE LOVED.

Researchers have consistently reported that families who engage in traditions and rituals are more successful at creating strong family bonds that provide a sense of security and comfort. Traditions and rituals help parents pass on the faith to their children, while at the same time instilling values and ideals needed to cultivate a healthy self-esteem.

The benefits are too numerous not to consider how you might begin today in strengthening the future of your family. It can be as simple as a 'you are loved plate' or as funny as 'buttering the nose'. Whatever you choose make it your own. It is never too late to establish family traditions and rituals that will lift the spirits and strengthen the love between you and your family!