I begin my day with a call to my mother to say hello. Her name is Catherine, she is 94 years old and is on hospice due to congestive heart failure and kidney disease. She lives with my sister who has made a beautiful little place in her home for my mom to feel independent. Her spirits are good, and she keeps a cheerful outlook except for when evening comes and the fear of dying alone in her bed begins to rear its ugly face causing stress and anxiety.
My mother has always been a model of great faith in God and in His Blessed Mother. So, it was difficult for me to hear the fear in her voice and the panic that would set in as she prepared to retire for the night. I would try to reassure her that she was safe and not alone. God was there and His mother would stay by her side throughout the night. She would agree yet continued to experience a feeling of dread come over her leaving her confused and afraid. Hospice helped to calm our worries that she was not in the stages of actively dying. Rather, she was experiencing what they call ‘sundown syndrome.’ Sundowning refers to a state of confusion and fear which tends to happen to the elderly in late afternoon lasting into the night. She could have two good nights followed by three bad nights it was all so unpredictable.
Early one morning, I received a call from my mother. She had a terrible night with her anxiety and wanted to talk. I was about to do the readings and prayers for the day and asked her if she would like to join me. She agreed and together we prayed the prayers and I read the readings as she listened. At the end we talked about the day’s gospel where Jesus appointed and sent out the seventy-two to heal the sick and proclaim the good news. We talked in great length about Jesus’ instructions to the disciples; Do not take a purse or bag or sandals. Basically, take nothing with them but the clothes on their backs and the shoes on their feet trusting completely in the provisions that He would provide for them.
The story provided a lively conversation surrounding trust, obedience, and God’s great love for us. I could hear the fear and anxiety leaving my mother’s voice and her spiritual strength returning. Our conversation quickly ended when she yelled, “Mary, there is a beautiful yellow bird sitting on the windowsill just staring at me. It does not seem to be afraid, and it is just looking straight at me.” It has been a long time since I heard her so that excited. She was eager to understand the significance if any of such a beautiful visitor?
After giving me a description, I began to research yellow goldfinches and came across an article in Catholicism.com, ‘Birds represent Christian symbolisms. The goldfinch frequently appears in pictures of the Christ Child. Because of this small bird’s fondness for thistles and thorns, it has come to represent the Passion of Our Lord. When depicted with Our Lord as a child, the goldfinch associates the Incarnation with the Passion. Thus, the goldfinch came to be a symbol of endurance and, in the case of paintings of the Madonna and child this symbolism was transferred to the Christ child, an allegory of the salvation Christ would bring through his sacrifice.’
Jesus endured the cross in total trust and obedience to His Father’s will because of HIS love for us. Knowing what was before him he withstood the temptations of the devil, conquered the weaknesses of the flesh, and freely gave Himself for the sins of all people past, present, and yet to come! We too, can endure our own sufferings if we unite them to Jesus’ passion.
Jack Wintz from Franciscan media wrote, “St. John Paull II born his suffering and infirmities as a badge of honor and opportunities for imitating the courage of the suffering Christ. Sharing advice to the sick and suffering St. John Paul II said, “Your sufferings, accepted and borne with unshakeable faith, when joined to those of Christ take on extraordinary value for the life of the Church and the good of humanity.”
My mother’s little visitor had much to tell us that day and we continue to reflect and seek to understand the mystery of suffering as we pray for the grace to endure with patience, trust and obedience what lies ahead. Like St. John Paul II may we all wear our infirmities as badges of honor because of the ‘unshakeable faith’ we have received and the love that set us free.
